Not the Face in the Mirror
by The Quaag
Summary: "Sometimes, she cried when she was alone." Starfire reflects on herself, her friends, and her predicament. Sort of OOC, if you want to get technical. One-shot.


**No one understood her, not in the least.**

She knew that they believed her to be dumb, slow witted, so self-conscious, and just another pretty face. They thought she couldn't make an intelligent remark to save her life, and that she was always, _always _much too happy. She hated that. They knew she could handle herself in a battle, but paragraphs and editorials written by scholars, stanzas and figurative speech? They thought her incapable of such things.

Of course, this situation she was in was probably her own doing. When she first arrived here, after making lip contact with Robin, she gleaned important information on different matters; such as mathematics on this planet, literary devices, the usage of adverbs, and how to correctly conjugate, among other things. But what really intrigued her was his subconscious understanding of social structure and how to make impressions upon people here. She noted that humans almost always had a soft spot for a pretty face with nothing but empty space behind it. She would use that to her advantage. She would, after defeating the Gondorians, put this into effect and gain allies, maybe even _friends_.

This, on the contrary, worked a little too well. They attempted to put things into simple terms for her, so easy that she felt as if they thought of her as a pet; to be pampered, and talked to like a mentally disabled citizen, in a high pitched, distracting voice. _Babied_. But still, she kept up this façade. It gave her friends, yet it was so hard to hide behind. Acting stupid was, indeed, very hard. When they were presented with difficult situations, to which she could easily see an answer, they went to Robin. Robin was smart, but she knew that his knowledge only went so far. She had learned all of his knowledge through lip contact, and understood more of his world than he did. And when he couldn't see the obvious answer, they went to Raven.

Ah, _Raven_. So quickly did the empath see through her mask. Between the two of them, the pseudonym 'Starfire' was dropped, and she could show the intelligent mind of Koriand'r. She and Raven could often discuss various complicated topics, to which they debated different sides of politics, even arguing for sides they disagreed with. Raven did not pamper her, did not baby her, and treated her as an equal. They could talk about anything and nothing. Raven, at first, and been pleasantly surprised when she had seen just how articulate she could be. But when with their friends, she once again had to take on the act of idiocy, and Raven too, played a part in this act. Raven would act as if 'Starfire' was just too childish and stupid to grace her company. But they were both aware of the end effects of this; too much time spent together suddenly would raise suspicion, and if their teammates dug deeper, they would see through her fake identity, and question her trust, her reliability. Why would she lie to them for this long about her intelligence? To make friends? No, they would not believe that, not at first. So, over time, she and the Goth had taken to portraying themselves as a needy, over-enthusiastic friend, and an unwilling participant, respectively. And over time, they could gradually spend more and more time together. Not to do the things that 'Starfire' had propose, like painting toenails, having the "boy-talk", or reading magazines. Koriand'r instead had them debating, reading classics, or just talking in general. Through this, she gained some sense of what she had lost. Yet, she couldn't find it in herself to take off this mask for Robin, or Beast Boy, or Cyborg. No matter how hard she tried, she could never see much good reason to let them in on this secret skit that was her life. Beast Boy would not appreciate that he was no longer not the most intellectually lost. Cyborg would quickly question her motives. Robin…

She, in all actuality, had no idea what Robin would do. In one situation, he would easily accept her as an equal, and graciously take in what she had to say. In the other, he would side with Cyborg, with even more harshness than the metal man was capable of. He would be the most hurt by her lying to them. The possibilities as to how he would react were endless…

So, to save herself the heartache and trouble, she would just not tell them. Of course, she would talk to Raven about the different scenarios to which their friends would react.

Raven did raise some good points. She agreed that Beast Boy and Cyborg would react as such, or similarly, but Robin… "No," she had said. "He is not as predictable as you'd think. He's a bit more open minded than you had originally thought. My guess is… he'd probably be hurt that you didn't share this information with him before I figured it out, but after running this situation in his head, he would probably come to the same conclusion that you did: that you could never tell the rest of them for the irrational judgment you would face. So, he would still be hurt, as is human nature, yet he would understand, and maybe need a few days or weeks to adjust and get it through his head that he doesn't need to be your personnel escort and tour guide."

At this last portion, Koriand'r was shocked. "Tour guide? Personnel escort?" Raven chuckled.

"You didn't realize it? He babies you more than the others, and took it upon himself to show you Earth, explain much of everything of here to you. I believe that he…" She struggled to find the right words to explain herself and thoughts at this moment. "He blames himself, maybe? Blames himself for your being here, totally uneducated in our culture, ways, social structure, speech, etcetera. Except that you're not. So he wouldn't have a good reason to ask you to go with him, just him, to different places to 'explain' things to you from these different cultural areas."

And now that she looked back on it, she did now notice that Robin never asked the others to go to the mall with him, to go to the carnival, or to go to the arcade with him. No one but her. She felt honored, but… If he only did it because he felt obliged to, to what was the real degree of their relationship? Was she nothing to him, just an obligation by honor and chivalry, or did their companionship truly mean something to the Boy Wonder?

As if sensing her dilemma, Raven spoke again in a reassuring voice.

"I do believe that he does care for you, and worries for you a lot, but the basis of most of his worry is irrational, because he is still under the assumption that you are unintelligent. So, if we take that away, we're left with about two thirds the care and worry for you. I wouldn't worry, though, if you don't intend to let them on just yet."

And that was the end of that conversation. But she continued to question her continuation of this semblance. Why continue it if she already has these friends? Should not their care for her and companionship overcome their distrust of her?

She looked herself in the mirror sometimes, and wondered what they saw. She saw a not unseemly face, and intelligent green eyes. But her uniform showed her guise once again. Purple was not her favorite color. She did not really enjoy the color all that much. She much preferred the color red. Its dark hue was very appealing to her; when she saw it, she thought of roses and sappy romantic novels. She tried smiling into the large mirror. Some days, like today, her smile did not quite reach her eyes; of course, they would not realize this, or notice. They always assumed her to be in a forever good mood. A shame this was not so; she did enjoy happiness, but the stress of her situation, and her frustration got to her.

Sometimes she cried when she was alone.

It was only because she would look into the mirror on days like this, and would see that the smiling, shining, gorgeous, happy face looking back at her was not _her_. Everyone surrounding her did not see the true her. If they took away this shell of happiness, they would see a small, scared, frustrated, angry young girl. How could they not figure it out for themselves? Why couldn't they just be more accepting?

Sometimes she cried when she was with Raven.

Raven understood this pent up frustration, and not being able to let it out at any other time. The empath would sit there, murmuring her words of consolation, while she cried and vented out her frustrations.

"Why is it that they could not just accept me?!" She had screamed at Raven once.

"Kori, humans jump to unfair conclusions. It isn't right, but that's just the way that it is."

Raven's calm, unmoving voice had her down to sniffles within minutes of coming to visit her. She would thank the Gothic girl, and Raven would just smile slightly, and tell her that this is what good friends were for. Koriand'r was surprised to be called a friend by this seemingly unfeeling girl. When she asked about it, if they were truly friends, Raven's answer was,

"No. You're a sister to me, one I always wished for." And she said no more on the topic.

It was things like this that let life go on for Koriand'r. Even though she knew she may never tell her friends the truth, she would be fine, and pull through. Because, in the end, this was enough. Just one person to understand, appreciate, and truly care for the real her, not a façade that looked at her in the mirror.

She was not the face in the mirror, but what did it matter to her anyways? Mirrors only showed you what you let yourself see.

**A/N:** I haven't died! I should probably update my other stories, or at least try to work on them, but I've just been so busy… But I should be coming back, because the Marching Band season just ended, so I'll have more free time to write and plan for my other stories, and some new ideas that have been brewing in my head for a while.

Anyways, the idea of this story came based off of some events in my life that I could transfer to this character and relate her to. I don't think anyone gives Starfire much credit; even the people that like her always treat her as that dumb, unknowing character. But if you notice in the series, there was that one episode with Control Freak where they went through the TV shows, and they ended up on a game show, where Starfire answered a really scientific question. And that got me thinking: why would she just be proficient in that area of study? She wouldn't! So, why couldn't she be hiding it? And it went from there. I also wanted to try a new style of writing that I thought was interesting; less dialogue, more thoughts and opinions.

Oh, and I don't own anything. Teen Titans, or even the picture on the cover of this story!

Please give me some feedback if you liked the way it was done or not, and if you think this made any sense at all!

Love, The Quaag :D


End file.
